This morning at breakfast, I thought of a
friend for some reason. I hadn’t heard from him for quite sometime (well,
‘heard’ as in ‘Facebook interaction” such as LIKE, COMMENT or STATUS UPDATE.”) So I looked him up and learned that we were no longer connected. Boom! I was
actually shocked that he unfriended me while he’s still friends with Michael,
Jenna, Pauline and even Lisa. Yes, that bitchy Lisa that he never even
liked.
Ouch! And why, I began to wonder. Of all
people that could potentially unfriend me. Him?? I didn’t see that coming.
Nope. I have been dropped from people’s Facebook before and I have
done the same a number of times. Usually annoying acquaintances or people I
met once but I won’t ever meet again. Now this is someone I have known for over a
decade. We were not the best of friends but we got on really well. We partied
together for years, had lots of mutual friends, he stayed at my house and I
stayed at his during my visit a few years ago. We are both into photography and
would compliment each other’s work with the generous clicking of LIKE button,
you know, lots of fun and fond memories.
I immediately thought, one of my FB posts
must have offended him, which is feasible. These days, ya know. Don’t people get mad on
social media all the time and start fighting viciously in the comment section all?
Let me explain though. My Facebook posts usually are upbeat, humorous and pop-culture-oriented
but every now and then, I’d get real and share my honest innermost thoughts, lightly
laced with rant, sarcasm and wrath… perhaps. I’m only human. I’m no angel but
far from being an evil. Like many, I can be cynical and sensitive but mostly I
keep it light and fun on Facebook. And I’m
proud that I’m able to laugh at my silly-self and poke fun of my ridiculous
lifestyle that I often share with friends and followers on social media. And I
have always believed that those who know me get me well. I thought he was one
of those.
I have had run-ins in the past with some
Facebook friends who are, in reality, Facebook police in disguise looking for
political correctness (or their version of truth.) You know the type of people
I’m talking about, right? They are not afraid to call out people publicly if
and when offenses come. They feel entitled to fix the world and most
importantly fix you and all things that are wrong with you via Facebook. Personally
I would never feel comfortable to “openly” criticize/shame/persecute people,
let alone my friends, on social media, for what, a wonky status update, over a
Youtube link? It’s not my place. Hey, different folks, different strokes. I may
disagree or express my alternative view in the most civilized way possible for
we are all grown-ups. But that’s it.
I have had my fair share of direct confrontations
by this type of Facebookers for my reckless random ramblings; be it a joke
deemed tasteless or a comment that hit too close to home…well, allegedly and according
to them. I’m thinking of that one time I upset a friend with a joke about
‘beating my maid’ (which obviously wasn’t the truth! I’d not hurt a fly… unless
of course it’s buzzing me around in circles) or when I went to the bullfight in
Madrid and one of my girlfriends who had never even been to Spain freaked out.
She lectured me on animal cruelty at length accusing me of feeding the industry
with my tourist money (in reality, 95% attendance comes from the locals and the
rest, curious tourists like me but never mind) I also once lost a friend who is
Iraqi Muslim when I expressed my opinion about the Rohingya situation back home
in my country. He wrote me a scathing personal message calling me names and concluding that he no
longer wanted to be my friend. Yes, one opinion could cost earned friendship of
many years. Believe it or not! Some are classy. They may throw in a
subtle shade showing their displeasure in the comment box every now and then and are able to move on.
Or some just simply ignore and instead give the silent treatment, also known as the unfollow button). That’s okay. That’s the way to
do it. I do the same.
Wait, maybe… just maybe, I might have lost
him during that time when Paris was attacked, the whole world mourned and
Facebook was overwhelmed with tributes to Paris. We, the Paris grievers, were
subsequently prayer-shamed by certain few who started this
Why-not-also-pray-for-Beirut campaign. Oh yes, I updated my status and gave
them a piece of my mind. In my usual benevolent, non-violent, charming manner
of course. (Meow!)
Well, it could have been that but the truth
is... I don’t and will never know what made this friend unfriend me. I
will probably never get the closure. Unless of course I fly on the airplane, go
to his house, ask him point black “Why the fuck did you unfriend me from
Facebook?” But is it worth it? Probably not. Or say we meet again at some party at some point and have a group selfie and I go, "Wait, I can't tag you because you unfriended me. And now explain!" Nah...I’ll just shake it off and let it
slide.
So... Are we being judged based on our Facebook
posts? And is it fair? Do our Facebook profiles define who we really
are? How honest and accurate are we with what we put out for the world to see? Isn’t
Facebook really our poker face? How well do our friends know us via Facebook? And finally, Is it all worth it to drop a good friend over a post that you happen to disagree?
Does this incident bother me? Yes, I admit that it does to an extent. If this
happened in real life and not on social media, say, the assumed disagreement
took place at a dinner table, we would talk it out, likely get mad but our friendship would
have been still intact. We at least would have a chance to explain ourselves. Now
all I have are whys and what ifs.
In our lifetime, we all experience the
twists and turns of life. People come and go. Some stay, some drop out and some
may reappear. Misunderstanding, disagreement, unfortunate circumstances, jealousy
and other humanly emotions can also cause friendship to wither. I have a
handful of really close friends and 600 something Facebook friends. The number
of the latter fluctuates, evidently, and it really should not matter. The more I talk to folks
who are older, wiser and more experienced; aka "those who have no fucks left to give for
they have seen it all", the clearer it is, because they tell me, that such
matters are nothing but a part of life.We may not get all the answers that we
are searching for. But life goes on. At some point in life, you start caring less about what others think of you, they say. I can't wait to get there.
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