No Asians, Please!

No Asians, please!

Yet another Grindr profile of a Caucasian man with profile text like this.

Grindr, in a nutshell, is the biggest geosocial networking application for gay men with currently 4 million users worldwide. Like many things on earth, gay cruising as well has gone digital and Grindr phenomena comes in handy in time of “need”. And for gay men that’s very often. With Grindr’s GPS and chat function, one can cruise a gay man nearby, swap pictures, arrange meeting and have him at his door within half and hour or less with no fuss. Quick and easy- just log in and get off, if you know what I mean. 

There are many things that annoy me on Grindr. To name a few, profile pictures of gay guys holding girls (Is that really the best you could do for a gay profile pic? Crop them out. Leave them alone!), empty profiles (possibly closeted married men on business trip who have just downloaded the app upon check-in, hence no pic, no details!), the overused term “straight-acting” (Epic Fail! Look at us, Mary! Talking about ‘theatre’ again?) or “Hey, Dude! Sup?” (Yikes!!!! I came out oh-so-courageously to be called “Dude”?)  

But nothing irritates me more than those Caucasians’ profiles that proclaim “No Asians Please”. I have even seen one profile that reads, “I don’t do Asians”. Classy!

  

While Grindr’s profile moderators routinely remove offensive, homophobic, racist and foul language, text like “Not into Asians” or “No Asians please” are still considered rather ‘a preference’. Therefore we Asians are to bear with what I call “resentment” if not “rightful racism” disguised as preference on daily basis. I am certain that in other parts of the world, “No Blacks, please” would exist and to be fair, there might even be “No Caucasians, please” too but, let’s face it, I doubt that “No Caucasians, please” would be as many as “No Asians Please” or “No Blacks, please”. Personally I have not come across with one yet. 

“Oh, you are taking this all too personally,” said an Aussie friend, a Caucasian. Well, I do of course. Wouldn’t you too, if, for example, you are obese and you see a profile text that says “no fatties”? Or say, you are 54 and the guy you are after is “not into old guys”. Not only will you take that personally also find it aggravating and even hurtful. We are only humans.

We all have our own preferences, especially that of sexual and physical, and they should be respected. Yet I believe that it is also not necessary to be too graphic or detailed about one’s preference especially when it is deemed disrespectful. Especially, if the person happens to be a Caucasian tourist or an expat in the land where majority around him are Asians, a statement such as “Not Into Asians” should be refrained out of respect. After all, if and when Asians approach him on Grindr, he has a choice to ignore or there’s always that BLOCK option.

Here’s something to ponder. Let’s say, an Asian guy cruises a Caucasian guy in a pub. Would he say “No Asians Please” to the guy’s face? Or if there were a T-shirt with a caption that reads, “No Asians Please”, would anyone dare wear it to a gay club in order to fend off themselves from Asians?  Then why should anyone think that it is okay to put such declaration on their Grindr profile? The answer is easy. Being online gives one a false sense of security and a hefty dose of confidence. Therefore, our online behaviors may not necessarily mirror our usual offline behaviors. In other words, we can be whoever we want to be online and we don’t need to apologize for that. Sadly, that’s when many of our true colors show.

Infuriating and demoralizing as it is, I also wonder if we Asians are partially to be blamed for this. Why are these Caucasians in large numbers shunning us? What happened to our once exotic-Asian image? Are inter-racial hookups becoming endangered and we don’t know? Should potato queens be very, VERY afraid? 

On Bali where I live and in many other South East Asian destinations, many Gaysians are randomly throwing themselves at Caucasian men, tourists and expatriates alike. At the gay bars of Bali, some even say 65% are believed to be rent boys.  Gay tourists come to Asia with a warning about this money-boy situation only to discover that is is shockingly true. Their gay tour agents or their friends who have been to Asia before have briefed them about this unfortunate condition. Some may come for sex tourism but many despise this.

“I received 42 messages within two hours of my arrival. Most of them are from money-boys or those who ask if I want massage with happy ending”, a French guy once told me. Almost every day, I too receive messages probing if I am an escort or I give massage. In the end, it is too frequent that I have to put “I am not a money-boy” text. Still that doesn’t stop the guys to mistake me for a whore.

Once I had been chatting with an American guy and we were about to meet.
“No offense but one last question, “Are you a money boy?”

I answered with a question “Why do you ask? 

“Well, you are very handsome and your profile picture is shirtless”.

Trust me, he is not the first one to tell me this. But I wonder if he would ever doubt a shirtless Caucasian guy. Are many handsome shirtless Asian men soliciting sex on Grindr? Since when “shirtless” equals “whore”? 

To get laid nowadays on Grindr with a Caucasian tourist is very much like going to a job interview. They provide you with a questionnaire and you’d better nail it. Plus the prettier and more accomplished you are, the more you become ‘too good to be true’. While I understand that, they have the right to doubt us given our track record, it does not stop me from thinking if we Gaysians have not knowingly but systematically destroyed our very own image.

Last few decades saw many immigrants from Asia in so-called first word countries. Many have migrated but are still not integrated socially. Asians are known to be quite cliquey and exclusive which does not help improve the situation either. Furthermore, some of us have also caused problems in foreign lands by overstaying, jumping out of cruise ships or faking marriages, which of course further tarnishes our legacy worldwide. One might say I am making a problem out of nothing. But who could say that these factors do not contribute to the Caucasians’ resentment towards Asians especially in the gay world where we fight very hard against discrimination but ironically, we are the ones who discriminate one another with reckless abandon? I personally feel that our GAM (Gay Asian Men) image is hurt effectively by the gay sex tourism and our popularity in gay community is increasingly waning. It is sad but it’s inevitable. It seems to me that the ideal world where we live as one has drifted further and further away.

Grindr et moi : Thoughts on the biggest & scariest gay club

Profile-based gay dating/social websites have drastically changed the way gay men meet one another. From Gaydar founded in 1999, arguably the most important and the largest of its kind, to Grindr, the most popular gay application for smart phones and tablets, the cruising scene has been conveniently taking place online for quite some time. But of course there are still millions of gay men who are opposed to the idea of hooking up with men online for some casual fun. It seems all too easy for them. Like many things we gay men have to work hard and fight for in life, they perhaps want to do the same in this department as well. Hey, different folks, different strokes! I totally get it.

Starting with a simple “How’s it going?” and a picture or two sent afterwards, you could arrange a meeting with another man nearby within a few minutes using this application, suggestively named “Grindr”. There’s no need to be walking up and down the dark streets or public parks at night, trying to make eye-contact with the person who you think might be gay risking the danger of being beaten up or sworn at.  Or worse, wearing a tight-fitted t-shirt, hanging around forever in a dingy gay pub hoping to pick up someone while enduring self-indulgent drag performances which you think you could do better. I am not saying those days are officially over and truth to be told, we all do like to do things like that occasionally  but it has become so much easier to do what-we-boys-like-doing with the help of gay social sites and apps like Grindr. “A lot of gay pubs and clubs are dying. Gay men don’t go to them as much these days” says one matured gay man I had a chat with in Sydney. He continues “the presence of gay men in straight clubs is tolerated nowadays therefore it is no longer a need for gay men to hang out only at the gay bars”.  It is true to an extent and especially in the big cities like Sydney, Bangkok or Paris.

Grindr, according to Vanity Fair magazine, is the world’s biggest and scariest gay bar. There are currently 3.5 million users (Shall we just say Grindr-ers?) in 192 countries in the world and of course, the number is growing rapidly. “Grindr is quick, convenient and discreet, anonymous as one wants it to be. The application uses the mobile device’s location-based services to show the guys closet to him who are also on Grindr” says its website.  So if he likes someone, he chats with him, maybe swaps some pictures, arranges a meeting and gets down to business within minutes.  A lot less complicated than wearing a condom, me thinks!

However, “It is a cut-throat business” (Say it like Heidi Klum on “Project Runway”). Why? Because some Grindr-ers can be quite mean and manner-less simply because they are online which not only protects them by hiding their identity also gives them the opportunity to misbehave. We all know that the regular human rules and social etiquettes don’t mean anything in cyber world. You send them message and they don’t reply which is understandable because that means they are not interested. However, some of them will reply by saying nasty stuff like “I don’t like Asians!”, “Didn’t you read my profile?, “I only go for masculine guys”. Or worse, in a scenario like this.

You: “Hi, How are you? Wow! You are hot!


Him:  Pics???  (since when “pics???” become equivalent to “hi, I’m great, thanks”? )


You:  Well, there’s a pic on my profile. 


Him:  More pics???

Well, never mind! You swallow your pride and send him more “Pics???” as requested including the very private ones in the hope of assisting him in decision-making which can possibly lead to a hook-up.


Then he blocks you!!!  Yes, he blocks you after you sent him the pictures he requested… which of course leaves you with endless questions.  Are my pictures not good enough?  Why doesn’t he like me? Do I look fat? Maybe he doesn’t like my hair. Is he a size-queen? While the truth is “He’s just not that into you” but how many of us can happily settle with the obvious truth and not end up torturing ourselves with these negative questions instead? Any type of rejection sucks! But then again, we are no strangers to rejection. We get that all the time, right? It just still sucks every time!

Blocking actually is an effective tool on Grindr as there can be some stalkers whom you do not like and they keep sending you messages day and night which can be quite annoying. Grindr Xtra, an upgraded version which you have to pay handsomely, allows unlimited blocking while the regular version has a certain block limit.


The worst thing on Grindr is not the rejection but the fake profiles. Some guys use male models’ pictures on their profiles. Their aim is to fool the other users and systematically lure them into trading intimate pictures. And it’s no brainer what they do once they get these pictures of course. Sick bastards! There are also guys who are married or in a relationship but feeling playful or just bored and not necessarily looking for ‘action’. They are just after the pictures. That’s it and there will be no more follow-up after you swap pics with them. I call them ‘window shoppers’.  They only look but never buy. Les Misérables, in other words!

My philosophy on food is that one should eat everything as long as it is tasty and edible. Those who only eat what they know or are afraid to try new things are missing out a lot. That is why Grindr profiles with statements like “I’m into Caucasians only” or “No Asians please” get on my nerves. While I understand that we all have our own taste and preference, we as gay men who have our own struggles with equality and discrimination all our lives, should be careful when putting such statements on our profiles. After all, we still have the right to not reply to the message sender or…just block him. So easy!

Closeted ones are quite common on Grindr too. They are not ready to admit that they are hungry but that also does not stop them from shamelessly reaching for the pie. Hey, we rightfully earned this pie and it makes us cringe a little bit that we, openly-gay men have to share it with them too. Picture-less, stats-less profiles or the profiles with hideous scenery pictures or close-up shots of body parts requesting “discreet fun”??? (“Discreet”, an overused famous phrase on Grindr! Of course all ‘fun’ is discreet unless you do it in the middle of the street in the broad day light). The thing is that we gay men have this straight guy fantasy and we do fall into the trap every now and then. We make arrangements on Grindr to meet with them only to find out that these so-called straight guys do not show up in the end and it is all just a game, as part of their testing-water campaign. Them closeted boys, eh?  

What about those Grindr-ers with special needs?  Yes! They are of course in no way physically or mentally challenged. Yet they have needs and they are not shy to advertise them on their profiles such as “no sissy please”, “NSA fun only”, “Can’t host”, “muscle to muscle”, “no pic-no reply” and my most favorite one, “Straight-Acting Guy seeking the same”.  What the heck is straight-acting? If you ask me, straight-acting sounds like an act. I’d go to theatre if I need to see acts. No, Thanks! 


But some guys are just way too cynical or outright bitter. When a well-mannered good looking fella approaches them on Grindr, they suddenly become suspicious.

A) Is he up for some game? 

B) His profile looks too good to be true? 

C) He could be a money boy. (Gay term for prostitute)

How sad is that that these guys cannot bring themselves to believe that this nice attractive chap could actually like them, The Average Joes? Some would even ask “Are you a money boy?” which is clearly an offensive question that in real life one would think twice before asking. It is understandable that they feel the need to protect themselves from these opportunity-seeking and troublesome money boys but randomly doubting and asking whoever says Hi to them on Grindr whether they are prostitute is blatantly rude.

Unfortunately it is true that in Asia where I live, there are many money boys or shall we just call them ‘boys on mission” (BOM) or ‘boys with agenda’ (BWA) since they sound so much nicer and plus we gay boys love acronyms. (GWM, GAM, BTM, NSA, hey?) Here, I have encountered this next category of Grindr-ers, Caucasians-gone-wild.  These BOMs and BWAs throw themselves randomly at these expats living in South East Asia in the hope of money, opportunity or both. There’s no exaggeration as it is a known fact.  Anyone who has been to Bangkok, Bali or Phenom Pehn can assure you on that. Many of these Caucasian guys, while not necessarily sexy, attractive or muscular (in some cases, even old, ugly and fat) receive smooth-as-silk treatment from these boys and soon become out of touch with reality. They are after all one of the most sought-after commodities in the gay communities of SE Asia. Rejection is something they are not used to. The boys are always saying yes, smiling constantly and showering them with compliments. So when a decent Asian guy who is not seeking money or opportunity does not reply their messages or politely replies “you are just not my type” or “I’m just not into you”, they flip. They get so shocked, immediately take offense and call the guy “arrogant” or “stack up”. They just cannot believe that finally someone says “NO!” ~ Surprise, Surprise!

Grindr can be quite addictive even if you are not in search for hook-ups daily. It somehow becomes a habit and just like the way you check your email every now and then, you go on Grindr and see what’s going on. When travelling, it is very useful. Not just for sex, there are some nice folks who are kind enough to give travel tips and recommendations about the area you are visiting. You get to know the locals and know where the party is at. Plus, you get extra attention because you are the new meat in town. How fabulous? Whether you like it, hate it, use it or not, Grindr has taken the gay world by storm and become one influential factor. It is technology and it has its pros and cons of course. Personally, I embrace it and I think it is a fun tool but I tell myself to not take it all too seriously. I treat it as a form of entertainment really.  The world is getting smaller before our eyes and our privacy is stolen away bit by bit but believe it or not, for the most part, we are still in control and we make the choices. We put out what we want to be seen and shared anyway. The same thing goes for Facebook and Twitter. It’s not all too negative. The choice is yours really. It’s all about adapting to a new way of living. Grind away, folks! :) 

A Homecoming Reflection

22, October, 2007. I bought myself a one-way ticket and I left the country I called home for 23 years. That year 2007, an extremely unkind year, put me through so much personally and professionally that I was a bit surprised to see myself still intact and in one piece. My heart was chipped... so badly. That for sure but miraculously, it was still beating. Well, it had to for I had made the choice to keep on living. I knew I must keep going even though I felt the weakest I had ever been.  

I can still vividly remember that day and how overwhelming it was for me. Although I had travelled overseas many times in the region, this time was different. I was leaving everything that I knew and I had no idea when I would return.

I was the last person to board the plane because I had some issues with the airport police. Just as I expected, the police went through my luggage taking everything out for search. Finally he found the US dollars I carefully hid in one of the pockets of my luggage. (In a country where there is no international banking, many students have to smuggle out thousands of dollars to be able to pay for their school fees, living expenses while studying abroad etc.) He told me that the money was exceeding the limit that one could take out when leaving the country. I had to come clean finally and explained to him that the money was the fees I needed to pay to the university and I was a student. And that there was no way I could make the payment if I did not carry the money that way. Clearly, all he wanted was some bribe money. Unfortunately, I did not have money in my currency. He was being very difficult and threatening that my money would be confiscated.  My heart was racing for I feared that I would not make it to the flight or, even worse, that to leave the country would become impossible and that my hard-earned money would get taken away.

“This cannot be happening to me! Not when I am feeling so emotional and fragile” It truly was more than enough to break me but I just could not show it. The police let me go in the end, because I pleaded him to go and ask money from my friend who was there nervously watching the scene from the glass window outside. I quickly packed up my baggage, signaled my friend to deal with the situation on my behalf (which he thoroughly understood) and ran towards the check-in counter. When I got there, the lady in charge told me that it was too late and she had already closed the counter. There I begged again with my already-breaking voice asking her to help.  She looked annoyed but reluctantly checked my bag in. There was yet another problem, excess baggage situation. She demanded $125 dollars which, believe me, was a lot of money in my country. I knew my bag was heavy but I honestly assumed I would be able to get away with it using my usual charm and of course the mercy of the person in charge.  After all, our people are known for their courteous manner and peaceful nature.  No- not with her! She would not have it and kept asking for the fine. I appealed her to at least reduce the amount while explaining I was merely a student and I packed a lot because I would be gone from home for a long time. She simply said she could not do it. I had no choice but to settle the amount in cash as the plane was leaving.  And… you could imagine how I as well just could not wait to leave, leaving all this behind.

As I learned that the plane had taken off and started disappearing into the clouds above, I noticed that there was something pressing in my chest making me uneasy to breathe. My body was shaking as if I had fever. My heart was dealing with a wide array of emotions: anguish, sadness, disappointment, tension, aggravation and helplessness.  I needed to do something to get it all out. So I tried crying first but I simply just could not this time. I felt numb all over and my heart, my poor, poor heart, was in such a state that I could not even describe. One thing for sure though, it was working harder than ever before. I decided to write. I took out my little note book and things started pouring out all over the pages. One of them was a vow that I made to myself to not go back to my country as long as I could. I wanted to be as far away from it as possible. Within a few hours, I had left my country, my family, my career, my dear friends and my two most important relationships: one that I will always hold close to my heart and the other where I failed miserably and lost a great deal.

Kuala Lumpur became my new home for the next two years. The beginning was rough. Adjusting was not easy and uncertainty scared me. Studying and also working fulltime, I had very little time for myself. Growing up, money was never a problem in my family. Also, when I was striving out on my own, from my late teens to my early twenties, I had a good job that paid very well by our national standard so I never really had to worry about money running out …until that point. Surviving on the little salary I made from a teaching job I found, there were times that I prayed for the month to come to a quick end.

Things got better with time and I was no longer alone. I had someone and it was truly a happy time. He helped me get through my painful heartbreak by giving me something beautiful to look at every day.  Gradually, I was able to leave my tumultuous 2007 behind.  It, however, was a confusing time for both of us and I did not believe what we had was enough. I kept on searching. Searching for what? I wondered too. Maybe ..Safety? Assurance? Protection? Guidance? Or all of them? And, of course…Love? Yes, big love: the kind of love that I had not yet experienced.  Is that even possible?  Yes, it is because I found it. Unexpectedly and it eventually led me to my next move, the island.

In Malaysia, I did not make many friends as I had hoped but I did meet two important men who will therefore be very much part of my life until I die. I survived two accidents- a minor gas explosion that left me with some second to third degree burns on my legs and a hit-and-run motorbike accident that gave me a souvenir scar under my right eyebrow. My life in Malaysia was colorful indeed. No regrets and no complaints. Most importantly, I successfully finished my study in the field where my passion lies.  It did not come easy so the victory was bittersweet.  

Since my departure from my homeland, I have lived in a metropolis as well as on an island. I have learned to cook and become good at it. Two years ago, I had no idea (nor did I ever ponder?) how a raw chicken from a supermarket came to an edible stage on the dinner plate. Now I am baking lemon polenta cakes and I have mastered at least 50 dishes that make people go “wow” at the dining table.  (Thanks to TLC, Jamie Oliver and Nigella Lawson) I have picked up three new languages. Although they are still in developing stage, I hope to be fluent in all three in a few years time. Three years ago, I could count the times that I had been on airplanes but now I have lost count of the cities and towns that I visited.  I have cruised the Mediterranean, swum in the Caribbean and witnessed The Carnival in Rio, among so many other unforgettable worldly highlights that I have been lucky enough to soak in.

When I was back home in my country, the mobile phone, popularly known as “The GSM”, was a luxury and something that only the rich and famous could afford. All you could do with it, really, was making phone calls, not even inclusive of other services like texting, facebook or going online. Nevertheless, our people took pride in being able to hold GSM flaunting it by talking so loudly on the streets so that other GSM-less people like me could see and admire. I started using mobile phone when I moved to Malaysia. My very first mobile was an old-fashioned Nokia, I still remember. My best friend, a beautiful Chinese girl, taught me how to text, save contacts, download ringtones and stuff. Coming from a land where mobile phones were considered precious, it was truly thrilling to be able to hold one of my own in my hand. From that to a much better Nokia with games and a built-in camera that took grainy pictures later on and then onto a Blackberry when I moved to Indonesia (A national favorite!) and… now my iPhone 4, I have come a long way. This boy who learned how to send text messages 4 years ago now can’t live without his iPhone. He has in fact become so dependent on this gadget. Once I was on a short daytrip out and forgot to bring my phone, I remember how lost and empty I felt the entire day. It felt like missing someone, just like that song “I Just Don’t Know What To Do With Myself”. I was a mess!

My life has changed.  It has changed for the better.  Although most people would argue that four years is not really a long time, a lot has happened in my life. Fortunately, for me, so many great things happened. Now, I am in a place where I feel protected, respected and loved. Most importantly, I can truly be myself and not be afraid. I live a fairly comfortable life without having to worry so much or get stressed.  I believe that happiness is one of the most overrated virtues but I can confidently say right now that I am doing alright. And that is good enough. Not to sound cliché but it is true that we all have to make choices in life and go through many changes. Only through these changes and choices, we grow. I have grown a hell lot. Leaving my country was the best decision I have ever made and only I know where I would have been if I had chosen “the otherwise”.  I am now glad that I was able to press the restart button instead of the shut down when things got complicated.

Lately, there has been a lot of positive news coming out of my country. I have heard that the country is moving towards a better direction and some progress has been made. That makes me very happy and hopeful. Besides, the dark episode that I was going through when I left home seems a little too distant from where I am now. I have been trying so hard not to think about home so that I do not have to miss it. I rarely call home. I never write to my family or anyone else.  But now I feel that it is about time. It is about time to go back to the place where I belong for the first time since I left. After all, what am I made of? I do miss home. I can’t lie. I do miss speaking my language and eating my food. Besides, I am curious to see how things have changed or rather remained unchanged. Dear old friends, the streets that I walked, my old apartment in the city, the places I used to frequent, oh...all of it. It’s funny! Who would have thought, definitely not I, that going back to such a familiar place like home would feel as if I were unwrapping a mysterious gift? I am filled with questions. Will it delight me or disappoint me?  Will this homecoming be nostalgic and weepy like in the movies? Would I cry once the familiar warm breeze of my motherland wraps me up and sweeps me off as I land? How will my people back home react to this brand new me? Or am I still their jolly boy with a pointy nose who causes troubles? … I am indeed anxious but very excited to find out. 

And…I guess I am ready to embrace what I had left behind four years ago all over again. I am coming home.  

Hello, Sailor! (White Party at Ku De Ta, 2011)

The finest weather in Bali arrives in the month of August along with the thousands of tourists who flock to this sunny little island from different parts of the world. Bali’s high tourist season (from early June to the end of September) reaches the peak when Ku De Ta throws its annual white party. For those of you who are not familiar with this name, Ku De Ta is one of the most celebrated F&B venues in the region. Every year, tons of people come to KTD’s theme parties and many of them fly in just for this reason. This year’s white party theme was “Hello, Sailor!”

I have been to parties at KDT before.  This year, I decided to go since a dear friend of mine organized the tickets and there was a good group of people going. Plus many of my other dearest friends were here in Bali and they were all up for it. So I thought “Why not?”  When we arrived at the spot, we were greeted by the scantily clad sailor girls and boys in their white and blue uniforms. The place was decorated with the nautical theme complete with a submarine in the centre.  It was appropriate but not over-the-top, just enough to get people in the navy mood. Compared to the space-themed one I went to a few years ago, this was a lot less elaborate. Nevertheless, it was quite a welcome.

The first thing we did, once we got seated, we ordered a bottle of sparkling wine and had a toast. (We had to!) Soon afterwards, the 22-piece big band started playing. An elegant overture followed by the lead singer’s “I’ve got you under my skin”. If you close your eyes, you could swear it was Frank singing. He did a great job, I thought. More singers followed.  They were all female and some did the duets with the Indonesian Sinatra.  Seriously, there are so many other great big band numbers to choose from but they all sang through Frank Sinatra catalog with an exception of one Nat King Cole number. I wish they would have made it a bit more variety. Here in Bali, every time, there’s something big band or Jazz happening, they simply can’t stray from Sinatra. Nonetheless, all singers, I guess, 5 of them in total, were capable of Jazz singing.

During dinner, I noticed that the new flag of Myanmar, my country, was flapping in the wind next to the flags of Germany and Australia. That came as a surprise, a shock in fact really, because usually our flag could not be found outside of the country.  No one bothers to include us. Many of them don’t even know Burma and Myanmar are actually the same country. So does this mean that our little known country has come a long way? Or did they just raise the flag because they knew I was coming? Ha! - It definitely got me pondering.

The four-course dinner, as advertised, was actually three if the tiny gimmicky foie gras aka “amuse bouche” was minus-ed.  I chose lobster tail confit for appetizer and the snapper for main. The fish was well-cooked, spiced and superbly presented.  I thoroughly enjoyed it. The desert, white chocolate something-something was decent but after the dinner, I felt so bloated. I ate too much. (I should have eaten only half the fish and not finished the desert but it was too late.) During our dinner, 8 of us shared 5 bottles of sparkling wine and by the time we finished, we were gooooooood to go. So we left the table and set out for the dance floor.

People decked out in various shades of white started arriving around 10. To some of them, dressing up was a serious business. Their effort to look head-to-toe nautical was apparent. I spotted some beautiful people. And I also spotted some seriously sun- baked ones. (Some people in Bali take sun-tanning to a whole new height.) They looked irregularly tanned and tragic, even more so because of their white attire.(WHY?????????????? Please don’t do that to yourself!)

After an hour or so, they announced that the show was going to take place on the dancing floor. The so-called sailor extravaganza featured three Caucasian chicks in sexy-sailor-slut uniform leading an army of Indonesian backup dancers (Or were they really the kitchen staff dressed up as sailors?)  It was amusing to see these three Amazonian leggy girls dancing with the male dancers who were half their sizes. Honestly, the girls were hot; they knew it and they were so full of it. (If only they knew how much I had to convince JJ to believe that they were real girls, not trannies.) The Andrews Sisters style boogie-woogie tune (It could be Bette Midler’s version of it, I’m not sure) combined with Village People’s “In The Navy” was fun but honestly it did not make an eye-popping experience. I thought t was a cheap production somehow. Especially when KDT charged more than 150 bucks per head (75 bucks without the dinner), I believe they could do better than that. I would not mind watching a proper dance troupe or even a local but well-known singer perform.

The drinks were not outrageously expensive by KDT standard but they were extremely weak.  I should have stuck to wine or beer.  When you pay 15 bucks a drink, you do expect a decent one. I was very disappointed so I decided to improve “The Situation”. On my third visit to the bar, I came up with a scheme, a classic one. I let the bartender keep the change (which was about 6 dollars, definitely not small money if you work in a bar in Indonesia). I did that again on my fourth visit. The same bartender gleefully accepted the tips but the condition of my drinks never improved.  So, on my next visits (10 in total), I patiently waited until my hard-earned money got returned from the cashier and kept giving that bartender a sullen face. Nothing comes for free, baby! And...since we are on the subject, here’s one more rant. The water bottle they sold at the venue, though freaking expensive, was not even a standard-sized bottle, instead a mini one.  If this wasn’t a rip-off, I don’t know what is.

DJ Karizma and DJ Spen played House music. They did a fantastic job, I must say. The crowd’s response was overwhelming. We had such a blast dancing on the vibrating dance floor and in front of the stage where we obviously got ‘seen’.  After a while though, the music wore us out. We needed a new inspiration to keep us going or perhaps some familiar dance tunes that we could sing along to. Our wish was granted eventually when they played “Ain’t no mountain high enough” (unfortunately not Diana Ross’s version) and “I Feel Love” by Donna Summer. These timeless disco tunes still put people on fire. I hadn’t danced like that in a while.

Spicing up the hot, steamy night, there was also a brawl between two white boys over God-knows-what. Really, was it necessary?  They were punching each other and throwing stuff.  How juvenile! Some people can’t hold their drinks eh?  It was immediately put out by the security guards and the party went on of course. Such sad little creatures!

Our group was solid. We kept drinking, jiggling and having so much fun. My friend Carlos and I in particular had a ball dancing up the storm along with the Latin beats they played, sometimes sandwiching the girls in between.  (It took me back to the parties of Rio and Buenos Aires.)  I left the party around 3:30 in the morning with aching leg muscles but definitely great memories to cherish. I was happy to go home to sleep.

At breakfast the next morning, JJ and I talked about the party and we realized that together we spent almost 600 bucks which is more than a month salary for many in Indonesia. We are fortunate that we could fork out such money for a night of pure amusement and drinks. It was indeed an expensive fun even by an international standard but the important thing is that we don’t do this often. Besides, we had a wonderful time shared with good friends. At the end of the day, finding bliss is really not about what you do, spend or where you are at, it is about who you are with. Here’s to fun, friends and fiesta.

Confessions of a pink iPod nano

I am only 3.6 inches tall. I weigh 1.28 ounces but my capacity, 8GB, enables me to carry up to a whopping 4000 songs. Yes, I’m a fifth generation iPod nano. My proud owner, Charlie received me as a Christmas gift two years ago from a very special person.  Ever since that day, we have become inseparable. I play his favorite tunes whenever he wants. I accompany him to gym 4 to 5 times a week. Together, we have travelled to over 15 countries and counting. As an iPod, I’m a quite attractive one. Unlike the previous 2 GB nano he had, I am complete with a glossy finish so I can’t help but shine.  And I am pink, a bright flamingo pink that is.

I believe Charlie likes my skin color very much because he owns many things in pink. Actually, he likes anything that is sparkly or blindingly bright. It is so funny when we are in the gym’s locker room where he would take me out from his gym bag along with a towel and a water bottle, some guys would notice the shocking pink-colored iPod.  Of course, they always give Hey-dude-What’s-up-with-the-pink-iPod look. Knowing Charlie for over two years now, he does not give a damn. Really! In fact he enjoys the attention even when it is not very positive. Also whenever there is a brave soul who dares to claim “Whoa, Pink iPod. That’s so girly”, my proud owner would immediately reply “Oh, Colors don’t have meanings. People like you give meanings to colors-Blue is for boys, Pink is for girls. It’s all bullshits! I don’t let colors define me”. That of course shuts them up, haters! He really lets them have it like that. Oh, by the way, his PC as well is the same color and he always gets the stares when he takes it out from his bag at Starbucks or at the airport lounge. He loves it. Like as if he traps people into making those clichéd remarks and then he snaps right back at them for being stereotypical.  But I love his attitude. Isn’t he just controversial? 

Anyway, the original head phones that came together with me in the same box stopped working a few weeks ago. It’s sad, really. They got sick for some reason and the left one died. So my owner replaced them with another pair. To be honest, I don’t think Charlie likes my new colleagues, the indigo Sony head phones that he purchased from Carrefour, because they hurt his ears. But I hope he gets used to them soon because I don’t want him to replace them with another pair. I have come to love their color. I think they compliment my shimmering pink self. Don’t you think? Indigo and pink- not very distant.

Charlie has 12457 songs on iTunes and of course the number is constantly growing. He hooks me up with iTunes on his pink PC every now and then to sync or to charge me up. What annoys me the most is that he sometimes forgets about it and leaves me attached to his PC like those dogs stuck together on the streets after mating. I hate that. It’s never good to overcharge an iPod like me, right? It kills off the battery life. (Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggh!!!)

Since he cannot put all his songs from iTunes on my sinewy 8GB body, he usually syncs “recently added” list a.k.a the new music and some of his all-time favorites.  I must say his music taste is quite diverse. He listens to Rn’B, Electronic, Pop, Classical, Opera, Dance, Urban, Jazz, show tunes and Hip Hop, just to name a few. One thing he hates is Rock music. The sound of electric guitar really puts him off.   He can’t bare it. Mariah Carey and Barbra Streisand are two of his favorite singers. He owns all Barbra’s 40 albums (not counting the compilations and greatest hits albums) and Mariah’s entire catalogue. He puts their music on shuffle and listens to them when he travels on the airplanes, when he runs on the treadmill or while working out with the weights.  Many people prefer listening to upbeat dance tracks while they are working out, right? But this one can work out to “I Dreamed A Dream” from Les Miserables sung by Patti Lupone. Strange?  But Boy, if he shuffles his iTunes with all 12457 songs, the outcome would be a very interesting one indeed. The Vienna Boys Choir will sing in between Beyonce’ and Nat King Cole. Or what about Cyndi Lauper breaking in after the tracks by Jamiroquai and Mahalia Jackson’s Gospel hymns?  It will really be fascinating.

Charlie does ignore me when he is not gyming or traveling though. When he is reading his books, singing Karaoke or entertaining his friends, I am no longer the essential in his life. I’m cast aside like an old sock and it hurts. Then again, my pink face lights up when he comes around looking for me to take me on a swanky holiday or an evening jog on the beach. I just can’t get mad at him for a long time.

But hey, I hear that there is already a newer and cooler iPod touch and THAT makes me nervous. Will I get replaced like the old nano with matte finish? (Remember they used to be so ugly and… matte???) Anyway, I doubt that Charlie will replace me anytime soon.  He can’t live without me. I’m the first thing he packs when he goes out. He mentioned once that he would like an iPhone or an iPad but not another iPod.  NO!

In the meantime, I wish and pray that Apple would stop producing new iPod models. I mean, aren’t they rich enough? Don’t they pretty much own the globe already? Efforts should be made to invent other i-related stuff that would benefit our human kind instead. You know, like, iCondoms?  A new generation of condoms that beep, vibrate, hold erection, play erotic music and at the same time prevent diseases, plan family and give perfect female orgasms.  That could do well, no? Plus, overpopulation is a big problem.  So is AIDS. I could totally see them outsell Durex’s “Extra Thin” or “Feather Light”. Just a thought!

Let the blogging begin...

So…I’ve started the blog.  Not because I’ve always wanted to become a serious writer, it’s just that I feel I have a lot of opinions on certain things and writing a blog would enable me to express them.  Fortunately, right now, I have plenty of time as I can afford to work only part time. So I guess this is the time to start focusing on things that I love doing and sharing them through this blog. And what do I like doing? Let’s see… I love taking pictures. I feel most creative when I’m with my camera. I see things better through my lens. And I have been told that I have an eye for photography. Besides I get to travel A LOT these days. Visiting new places, meeting new people and going through new experiences inspire me creatively.

I also love watching movies and talking about them afterwards. I’m particularly interested in the process of how the movies are made and how actors deliver their performances. I’ve started writing film reviews- well, it's more like jotting down how I feel about the movie, you know, my thoughts...... and I intend to do more of that and blog’em.  Some of the reviews can be found on this blog. :O)

What else? Oh, I have a passion for music and singing too. I listen to a lot of good stuff, Rhythm & Blues, Jazz, Show tunes, Dance, Electronic, Opera but mostly vocal-heavy music from Barbra Streisand, Luther Vandross, Mariah Carey, Josh Groban, Aretha Franklin, Brian McKnight, Shirley Bassey etc. I’ve sung with bands and performed on stage many times before although I personally don’t like my mediocre voice and singing very much. I always wish I had a proper training for singing but anyway.. . I still sing in my own karaoke room. Believe it or not, I own the song book that has over 5000 songs, just like the ones in Pay-by-hour- Karaoke stations. I bought it in Manila and now it’s hooked up to my Bose home theatre system so it produces good quality sound. My friends love it and whenever they visit me at my place, we have some real good singing till dawn over lots and lots of drinks.

So yeah, that’s a bit about what I love doing and what I will be blogging mostly about…. among other things.  I used to worry a lot about not being able to write properly (you know, like political and grammatical correctness, choice of words/topics/subject matters and such) but screw that- I’ve decided to write as I feel and as my mood takes me.  I plan to include movie and music reviews, about the places I visit, things that I do/experience and photos I take etc. I need to first put my writing into practice. This blog is my practice blog and it is for me, myself and (possible) others who are on the same page as me.  So let the blogging begin.   (fireworks!!!!!!!!!)