Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Confessions of a pink iPod nano

I am only 3.6 inches tall. I weigh 1.28 ounces but my capacity, 8GB, enables me to carry up to a whopping 4000 songs. Yes, I’m a fifth generation iPod nano. My proud owner, Charlie received me as a Christmas gift two years ago from a very special person.  Ever since that day, we have become inseparable. I play his favorite tunes whenever he wants. I accompany him to gym 4 to 5 times a week. Together, we have travelled to over 15 countries and counting. As an iPod, I’m a quite attractive one. Unlike the previous 2 GB nano he had, I am complete with a glossy finish so I can’t help but shine.  And I am pink, a bright flamingo pink that is.

I believe Charlie likes my skin color very much because he owns many things in pink. Actually, he likes anything that is sparkly or blindingly bright. It is so funny when we are in the gym’s locker room where he would take me out from his gym bag along with a towel and a water bottle, some guys would notice the shocking pink-colored iPod.  Of course, they always give Hey-dude-What’s-up-with-the-pink-iPod look. Knowing Charlie for over two years now, he does not give a damn. Really! In fact he enjoys the attention even when it is not very positive. Also whenever there is a brave soul who dares to claim “Whoa, Pink iPod. That’s so girly”, my proud owner would immediately reply “Oh, Colors don’t have meanings. People like you give meanings to colors-Blue is for boys, Pink is for girls. It’s all bullshits! I don’t let colors define me”. That of course shuts them up, haters! He really lets them have it like that. Oh, by the way, his PC as well is the same color and he always gets the stares when he takes it out from his bag at Starbucks or at the airport lounge. He loves it. Like as if he traps people into making those clichéd remarks and then he snaps right back at them for being stereotypical.  But I love his attitude. Isn’t he just controversial? 

Anyway, the original head phones that came together with me in the same box stopped working a few weeks ago. It’s sad, really. They got sick for some reason and the left one died. So my owner replaced them with another pair. To be honest, I don’t think Charlie likes my new colleagues, the indigo Sony head phones that he purchased from Carrefour, because they hurt his ears. But I hope he gets used to them soon because I don’t want him to replace them with another pair. I have come to love their color. I think they compliment my shimmering pink self. Don’t you think? Indigo and pink- not very distant.

Charlie has 12457 songs on iTunes and of course the number is constantly growing. He hooks me up with iTunes on his pink PC every now and then to sync or to charge me up. What annoys me the most is that he sometimes forgets about it and leaves me attached to his PC like those dogs stuck together on the streets after mating. I hate that. It’s never good to overcharge an iPod like me, right? It kills off the battery life. (Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggh!!!)

Since he cannot put all his songs from iTunes on my sinewy 8GB body, he usually syncs “recently added” list a.k.a the new music and some of his all-time favorites.  I must say his music taste is quite diverse. He listens to Rn’B, Electronic, Pop, Classical, Opera, Dance, Urban, Jazz, show tunes and Hip Hop, just to name a few. One thing he hates is Rock music. The sound of electric guitar really puts him off.   He can’t bare it. Mariah Carey and Barbra Streisand are two of his favorite singers. He owns all Barbra’s 40 albums (not counting the compilations and greatest hits albums) and Mariah’s entire catalogue. He puts their music on shuffle and listens to them when he travels on the airplanes, when he runs on the treadmill or while working out with the weights.  Many people prefer listening to upbeat dance tracks while they are working out, right? But this one can work out to “I Dreamed A Dream” from Les Miserables sung by Patti Lupone. Strange?  But Boy, if he shuffles his iTunes with all 12457 songs, the outcome would be a very interesting one indeed. The Vienna Boys Choir will sing in between Beyonce’ and Nat King Cole. Or what about Cyndi Lauper breaking in after the tracks by Jamiroquai and Mahalia Jackson’s Gospel hymns?  It will really be fascinating.

Charlie does ignore me when he is not gyming or traveling though. When he is reading his books, singing Karaoke or entertaining his friends, I am no longer the essential in his life. I’m cast aside like an old sock and it hurts. Then again, my pink face lights up when he comes around looking for me to take me on a swanky holiday or an evening jog on the beach. I just can’t get mad at him for a long time.

But hey, I hear that there is already a newer and cooler iPod touch and THAT makes me nervous. Will I get replaced like the old nano with matte finish? (Remember they used to be so ugly and… matte???) Anyway, I doubt that Charlie will replace me anytime soon.  He can’t live without me. I’m the first thing he packs when he goes out. He mentioned once that he would like an iPhone or an iPad but not another iPod.  NO!

In the meantime, I wish and pray that Apple would stop producing new iPod models. I mean, aren’t they rich enough? Don’t they pretty much own the globe already? Efforts should be made to invent other i-related stuff that would benefit our human kind instead. You know, like, iCondoms?  A new generation of condoms that beep, vibrate, hold erection, play erotic music and at the same time prevent diseases, plan family and give perfect female orgasms.  That could do well, no? Plus, overpopulation is a big problem.  So is AIDS. I could totally see them outsell Durex’s “Extra Thin” or “Feather Light”. Just a thought!


shamash said...

"What annoys me the most is that he sometimes forgets about it and leaves me attached to his PC like those dogs stuck together on the streets after mating. I hate that."


I love the iCondom idea.... you crack me up, Charlie!!

tonette said...

this is my favorite post of yours! very witty indeed.

And the iCondom product??? haha. crazy but brilliant... why not... :D